Borrowed proof
Do you need to see someone doing what you want to do before you can believe it is possible?
And what happens when no one is doing exactly what you have in mind?
Would you choose the path you already know, or try to create the path you actually want?
Are we drawn to a safer career path?
Many of us have ideas about what we would like to do. But when we cannot find anyone who has turned a similar idea into a job, a business, or a sustainable way of living, we begin to question whether ours could ever become one.
So we look for proof. We search for someone doing something close enough to what we have in mind, someone whose experience can show us where to begin, what steps to take, and what might be waiting on the other side. Sometimes, simply knowing that another person has made it work is enough to make an idea feel more realistic.
We also trust what resembles something we have already done. We apply for the job whose requirements we understand. We continue working in a field where we already know how to find opportunities, what people expect from us, and how much we might earn. Even when the next step is uncertain, it feels manageable because it is similar to steps we have taken before.
When we enter a field that is completely new to us, it makes sense to learn what we do not know. We may search for a course, a mentor, or a qualification that can give us the knowledge we believe we need before we begin. But sometimes, beneath that search for knowledge, there is also a need for external validation. We want someone who knows more than we do to tell us that we are good enough, that we have learned enough, and that we are ready to start.
The more proof we can find for one option, the safer that option begins to feel. So when the time comes to choose, we may not choose the work we want most. We choose the work we already understand, the work we have done before, or the work someone else has shown us how to do. There is nothing wrong with choosing any of these paths. But if we always need external proof before we make a choice, are we choosing our own path, or are we following someone else’s?
Where our belief in ourselves comes from
The belief we are trying to build through all this proof has a name. Psychologist Albert Bandura used the term self-efficacy to describe our belief in our ability to succeed in a particular situation. It can shape which possibilities feel realistic to us, whether we are willing to begin, and whether we keep going when things become difficult. He described four main sources from which this belief can grow.
The strongest source is what Bandura called mastery experiences: our own experience of succeeding at something. When we have handled something similar before, we already have evidence that we can do it again. This may be one reason the familiar path feels safer. We know how we found opportunities, solved problems, and dealt with uncertainty the last time.
When we step into something new, we do not have our own experience to rely on, so we may turn to another source of self-efficacy: vicarious experience, watching someone else succeed and borrowing their proof as if it were our own. The more that person resembles us, in background, in circumstances, in resources, the more their success feels like evidence that the same is possible for us.
A third source is what Bandura called verbal persuasion: encouragement from someone whose judgment we trust can help us believe that we are capable. This may explain why learning and external validation can become so easy to mix together. We may begin by looking for knowledge, but also find ourselves waiting for a mentor, teacher, or certificate to confirm that we are finally ready.
And the fourth and final source is what Bandura described as physiological and emotional arousal: the way we interpret the fear, tension, or self-doubt we feel in a particular situation. The same reaction can lead us to different conclusions. We may read it as proof that we are not ready, or see it as a natural response to doing something important and unfamiliar. The feeling itself does not tell us whether we are capable. But the meaning we give it can strengthen or weaken our belief that we are.
Together, these four sources may explain why the familiar path feels safer. We have our own experience to rely on, examples from other people, reassurance from those we trust, and less discomfort because we know what to expect. A new path may offer much less of this at first. But that does not necessarily mean that we are less capable of following it. It may simply mean that our belief in ourselves has not had the same chance to grow.
Collect proof in pieces as you build your career
But what if you do not need to find someone whose entire path looks like the one you want?
You may only need to understand what your next step requires. If you are missing a skill, you can take a course, read a book, or learn from someone who already has it. If you do not know how to price your work, find someone who understands pricing. If you need support with a problem, look for a person who has solved that part before.
The people who can help may not be in your current circle, and before you begin, you may not even know who to look for. But once you take a step and face a real problem, it becomes easier to see what you need. Then you can find someone who knows how to help with that particular part.
None of these people need to be doing exactly what you want to do. You can learn from the paths they have taken without turning your own path into a copy of theirs.
This changes the role of familiarity. Instead of choosing an entire path because someone else has already made it feel safe, you can use familiar pieces to build something new. The direction remains yours, while other people provide the knowledge, experience, or support you need along the way.
Just because you haven’t seen it done doesn’t mean it’s impossible
No one can show us exactly how a path that does not yet exist will unfold. But not being able to see every step is not evidence that those steps do not exist. On a familiar path, we follow a map created by someone else. On our own path, the map takes shape as we move.
At first, we may borrow enough belief from other people to take the next step. But every problem we solve and every skill we learn becomes a mastery experience of our own. Over time, we no longer need someone else to prove that the whole path is possible. We begin creating that proof ourselves.
And perhaps one day, someone else will look at what we have created and borrow a little of our proof to begin their own path.